How To Win An Oscar

 

1. Hire Meryl Streep
Or Morgan Freeman and Dustin Hoffman, since they’ve all appeared in three or more Best Picture winners. Oh, and every film that John Cazale starred in was nominated for the award. You could hire him, but you’ll need a medium for the negotiations – he died in 1978.
 
2. Make A War Film
War! What is it good for? Er, winning Oscars, actually. From the lauded likes of Patton and All Quiet On The Western Front (Best Picture grabbers) to Saving Private Ryan, which nabbed a directing gong for Steven Spielberg, battle is good for awards business. Gather your troops and conquer that stage!

 

3. Portray A Cinematic Disability
It sounds like an easy grab, but you’ll have to throw yourself into the part, Daniel Day-Lewis style. Still, look at the evidence: My Left Foot (cerebral palsy), A Beautiful Mind (schizophrenia), Children Of A Lesser God (deafness): all winners for picture or actors.
 
4. All You Need Is Lurve
Ah, love stories. They may occasionally make you puke into your popcorn, but they can touch the heart of the grumpiest Academy voter. Shakespeare In Love. Out Of Africa. Annie Hall. Kramer Vs… Er, call it the anti-love story?

 

2009 Awards Special  

 

5. Fancy costumes
We mentioned epics, but not everyone can get Best Picture or scoop the acting awards. Aim to stitch the togs on something historical or challenging –A Room With A View won, as did The Last Emperor.
 
6. Epics do well
Titanic, The English Patient and even Forrest Gump are examples of big-canvas films that have waltzed home with the top honours, even if many people consider them to be pure pants. The exception? Fantasy. Unless your name happens to be Peter Jackson, that is...
 
7. Get Real
History, whether recent or long past is a real favourite with the Academy. Play someone with an interesting true story – even if you have to fiddle with the facts – and bingo! Walk The Line? Check. Raging Bull? Hurrah! Gandhi? Ding! Man On The Moon? Well… it’s not foolproof.
 
8. Become Katharine Hepburn
With four statuettes, Kate is Oscar’s most awarded performer, notching up wins for On Golden Pond, The Lion In Winter, Guess Who’s Coming To Dinner and Morning Glory. So develop acting ability like hers and you’re sorted.

 

*Not a guarantee.

 

2009 Awards Special