Ed Holden, MSN Movies Editor |  |
The Holden Globes 2008
Please excuse the horribly indulgent title of these our new annual movie awards. Ever since an MSN editor with unfortunate initials delivered a gaming column called ‘PG Tips’, we have been known to come up with atrocities such as this. So, with something that definitely isn’t pride, I present to you my slanted movie awards for 2008 – The HoldenGlobes. See you next year!
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Best Guns
Wanted
Yikes! An award that Max Payne and Alien Vs Predator 2 have a chance of winning! But worry not, the best bullet-work has to go to Ange Jolie and Wanted, in which Mom-to-six Jolie manages to shoot a load of people standing in a circle with the same bullet. How? We mere mortals will never know...
Wanted: MSN Review
Wanted
Yikes! An award that Max Payne and Alien Vs Predator 2 have a chance of winning! But worry not, the best bullet-work has to go to Ange Jolie and Wanted, in which Mom-to-six Jolie manages to shoot a load of people standing in a circle with the same bullet. How? We mere mortals will never know...
Wanted: MSN Review
Most Overshadowed Title Character
Tom Hanks in Charlie Wilson’s War
It’s not that Tom Hanks was bad in Charlie Wilson’s war. In fact he reminded me just how easy it is to spend time in the easy-going high-earner’s company. But as soon as Philip Seymour Hoffman’s embittered CIA man stepped onto the screen, Hanks immediately became a distant memory. Classic moments from the brilliant Hoffman performance include, “Yeah, well I'd like to take a moment to review the several ways in which you're a douche bag!”
Tom Hanks in Charlie Wilson’s War
It’s not that Tom Hanks was bad in Charlie Wilson’s war. In fact he reminded me just how easy it is to spend time in the easy-going high-earner’s company. But as soon as Philip Seymour Hoffman’s embittered CIA man stepped onto the screen, Hanks immediately became a distant memory. Classic moments from the brilliant Hoffman performance include, “Yeah, well I'd like to take a moment to review the several ways in which you're a douche bag!”
Cringiest Singing
Pierce Brosnan in Mamma Mia
This gong seemed almost certain to go to one Alan Rickman for his drawled version of ‘Pretty Women’ in Sweeney Todd – a horribly creepy ode to femininity. But little did we know what was to come. Pierce Brosnan’s never-before-heard baritone in Mamma Mia could not be rescued by any voice-altering post-production. The former Bond echoed our thoughts exactly as he tunelessly belted out the words "SOS"!
Pierce Brosnan in Mamma Mia
This gong seemed almost certain to go to one Alan Rickman for his drawled version of ‘Pretty Women’ in Sweeney Todd – a horribly creepy ode to femininity. But little did we know what was to come. Pierce Brosnan’s never-before-heard baritone in Mamma Mia could not be rescued by any voice-altering post-production. The former Bond echoed our thoughts exactly as he tunelessly belted out the words "SOS"!
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Most Critically Adored Rip-Off
Wall-E
Pixar’s latest won critical plaudits from all directions for taking the established Pixar product in a brave new direction, offering up a man-made hero who couldn’t say more than two words. What wasn’t said nearly enough is that, although slightly less verbose, Wall-e is a very close relative if not a clone of Johnny Five from the Short Circuit films. Johnny Five is alive! He’s just not getting the spot in the Pixar end-credits that he very much deserved!
Wall-E
Pixar’s latest won critical plaudits from all directions for taking the established Pixar product in a brave new direction, offering up a man-made hero who couldn’t say more than two words. What wasn’t said nearly enough is that, although slightly less verbose, Wall-e is a very close relative if not a clone of Johnny Five from the Short Circuit films. Johnny Five is alive! He’s just not getting the spot in the Pixar end-credits that he very much deserved!
Best Line
Gary Oldman at the end of The Dark Knight
“Because he's the hero Gotham deserves, but not the one it needs right now. So we'll hunt him, because he can take it, because he's not our hero. He's a silent guardian, a watchful protector. A dark knight.” Need I say more? No...
Gary Oldman at the end of The Dark Knight
“Because he's the hero Gotham deserves, but not the one it needs right now. So we'll hunt him, because he can take it, because he's not our hero. He's a silent guardian, a watchful protector. A dark knight.” Need I say more? No...
Dumbest Spoof
Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story
Disaster Movie and Meet The Spartans were in the early running for this one. It really is a shame that these movies are profitable. All they really do is present a low-budget version of the flicks they’re supposedly lampooning. I suppose 300 and 10,000 BC are prime for a spot of light mockery. But why do a spoof of Walk The Line? It only came out three years ago, it’s a true story and it was good! Stupid...
Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story
Disaster Movie and Meet The Spartans were in the early running for this one. It really is a shame that these movies are profitable. All they really do is present a low-budget version of the flicks they’re supposedly lampooning. I suppose 300 and 10,000 BC are prime for a spot of light mockery. But why do a spoof of Walk The Line? It only came out three years ago, it’s a true story and it was good! Stupid...
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Best Sex Doll
Lars And The Real Girl
Lars And The Real Girl gave us the first tragic heroine ever to arrive in a box. Ryan Gosling is so lonely that he begins a healthy relationship with a mail-order sex doll who becomes known to the small-town community at large as Bianca. Astonishingly, Bianca gives a performance that is actually more sincere and believable than Paris Hilton’s turn in The Hottie And The Nottie, which came out a week later. In fact, Bianca’s performance is right up there with that unforgettable autopilot from Airplane!
Lars And The Real Girl
Lars And The Real Girl gave us the first tragic heroine ever to arrive in a box. Ryan Gosling is so lonely that he begins a healthy relationship with a mail-order sex doll who becomes known to the small-town community at large as Bianca. Astonishingly, Bianca gives a performance that is actually more sincere and believable than Paris Hilton’s turn in The Hottie And The Nottie, which came out a week later. In fact, Bianca’s performance is right up there with that unforgettable autopilot from Airplane!
Most Stupid Plot
Indiana Jones & The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull
Look! There are these skulls okay!? And they’re made of Perspex! And they have to get the skulls from the big underground lost city before the communists do! Because when they get they’re gonna discover that there are super clever aliens there who live in a big spinny thing!! Okay!? Good...
Indiana Jones & The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull
Look! There are these skulls okay!? And they’re made of Perspex! And they have to get the skulls from the big underground lost city before the communists do! Because when they get they’re gonna discover that there are super clever aliens there who live in a big spinny thing!! Okay!? Good...
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