Good Week/Bad Week: October 2

IT'S BEEN A GOOD WEEK FOR:

Timberfans
They’ve endured rumours of an engagement and whispers of a pregnancy, but now Justin Timberlake fans the world over are breaking open the champagne and getting their best underwear out of the drawer, as news broke this week that his relationship with actress Jessica Biel MAY be over. And we’re sad to say that if the pair have split, it looks like Justin is the bad guy in all this as he reportedly finished with Jess over the phone. Like, way to be a grown up, JT. Couldn’t you get your friend to pass a message on to her friend in the playground? These rumours come hot on the heels of stories of a frisson between Justin and Rihanna at a recent video shoot. Naturally, we’re disappointed in Timbers over all this, but it could be worse. He could be Chris Brown.

Birthday celebrations
Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones share so much - a harmonious nine-year marriage that has defied the sceptics, a love of golf and the leisurewear that goes along with it, and, this week, another birthday together. For Catherine, it was the big 4-0, and for Michael, an officially pension-earning 65. The pair celebrated with a dinner in New York, where Catherine channeled her inner Victoria Beckham in an all-black outfit, giant sunglasses and military-style cap. Michael, meanwhile, sported a racy black Hawaiian-style shirt. But since he’s now plenty old enough to qualify for a bus pass when he’s visiting the in-laws back in Wales, at least you can’t accuse him of having a mid-life crisis.

First aid

Two things we thought we were sure of: 1) That we couldn’t love Johnny Depp any more. 2) That there couldn’t be any more brilliantly outrageous Courtney Love stories that we hadn’t heard before. Wrong and, erm, wrong. This week’s Courtney gem came in an interview with Style magazine, when she was discussing her battles with drug addiction over the years and revealed that several times she had almost died. On one occasion, it was none other than Sexiest Man In The World (OK, apart from Brad and George, but they are definitely the top three. Apart from David Beckham. And Daniel Craig) JD who heroically came to her aid and administered CPR to save her life. If Courtney Love didn’t scare us quite so much, we’d almost be jealous [insert hilarious Johnny Depp kiss of life/chest massage joke here].

IT'S BEEN A BAD WEEK FOR:

Katie Price’s dignity
Katie, Katie, Katie. You really haven’t been reading that copy of the Good Clean Break-up Handbook we sent you, have you? While it seemed from the outside that the model, entrepreneur and taste vacuum was coping with her separation from former husband Peter Andre with her usual lack of sentimentality, this week we heard one of our favourite Jordan stories ever, which suggested that she hadn’t been quite so detached. Just a couple of weeks before their divorce was finalised, Katie reportedly called Peter’s answerphone and serenaded him with Whitney’s Houston tonsil-tearing I Will Always Love You, saying she wanted them to get back together. Yet incredibly, this didn’t prove to be the grand gesture that melted Peter’s heart and initiated a reconciliation. What was he holding out for? Katie on the doorstep singing Mariah’s Without You, with the ITV2 camera crew right behind her? Maybe next week.

Lifestyle advice
It’s now over a year since Gwyneth Paltrow started dispensing invaluable lifestyle advice via her website, Goop. Unfortunately, Mrs Martin’s earnest words of wisdom have attracted a lot of flak from her critics, and this week was no exception. With a glorious lack of self-awareness, she turned to the credit crunch. Because let’s face it, an Oscar-winning, A-list actress who’s married to one of the most successful rock stars on the planet must have lots of thrifty tips for how to live on a budget. It’s alright, though, as Gwyneth had turned to some banker friends and business experts for ideas. So what words of wisdom did they have? Don’t get lured into shoddy get-rich-quick schemes and if you can’t afford something in a shop, just ask for a discount, or offer your own skills in return. Brilliant. We’re off to pay for a Marc Jacobs winter coat with our ability to eat five Twixs in under five minutes without being sick. See you later.

Good Week/Bad Week: Sep 25

Good Week/Bad Week: Sep 18
Good Week/Bad Week: Sep 11

 

The views in this column are those of the author alone and not of MSN/Microsoft