Good Week/Bad Week: September 11

IT'S BEEN A GOOD WEEK FOR:

 

Tantrums

Kate Moss – so mysterious, so poised, so aloof… So annoyed by a lame gag made by host James Nesbitt at GQ’s Man Of The Year Awards this week that she walked out in a big strop. It was the culmination of an evening in which Kate’s legendary effortless cool seemed to have deserted her completely. After turning up late, looking the wrong side of dishevelled, she began an impromptu poledance with a pillar, before having her diva episode. Unfortunately Kate forgot the first rule of storming out, which is that it has to be definitive. Having swept past her friend Lily Allen (who was recording a TV interview) with a tirade of swearing against Nesbitt and the event generally, Kate then had to skulk back in again, complaining that she’d lost her lipstick. Somehow, Kate, we think you can probably afford another one.

Celebrity ‘fathers’
Ladies, if you’ve always wanted to hook up with a celebrity, maybe have their child and live the life of an LA yummy mummy, living in a mansion and giving Junior his first swimming lesson in your heated private pool, you may have found the whole ‘not actually knowing any celebrities’ thing kind of a barrier. Not any more. The California Cryobank in the USA is now offering clients the chance to select a sperm donor based on his resemblance to a celebrity, with Ben Affleck reportedly one of the most popular among a whole list of lookalikes. Um, we’re not sure how many people are asking for the Bill Gates option. This way, when strangers in the supermarket are marvelling at your little darling’s resemblance to a certain superstar, you can just smile enigmatically, like a women with a secret. Of course, when they see you returning to your shabby one-bedroomed flat over the launderette, they might just smell a rat…

 

IT'S BEEN A BAD WEEK FOR:

 

The English language
Paris Hilton: socialite, singer, actress, model, BFF and now… philosopher? Yes, the heiress has been featured in the new edition of the Oxford Dictionary of Quotations, thanks to the profundity of the following motto: ‘Dress cute wherever you go. Life is too short to blend in.’ While you may think these words are simply about, like, dressing cute and stuff, scholars are poring over the wider sociological message they have for us about the place of the individual in society, about free will and liberty. Instead of being lazily grouped with the Kardashian sisters and the cast of The Hills, Paris can now take her rightful place alongside the likes of Oscar Wilde and William Shakespeare. Surely a Nobel peace prize can’t be too far away now. After all, she did make up after that way bitter fall-out with Nicole Richie.

 

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Sensible sun-worshipping
We’ve always had a lot of love for Pamela Anderson. And with the recent publicity about her friendship with Vivienne Westwood, it seemed she’d become cooler than ever. But now Pammy has committed a major faux pas. She admitted in a recent interview that she has never worn sunscreen, and when you consider all the time she spent running up and down the beach in that red swimsuit, well, Pammy, we’re not impressed at all. And this week, when she was papped hanging out, almost literally, on Malibu Beach with no make-up on, it was pretty clear that the whole ‘no sunscreen’ philosophy isn’t working out all that well for her. We don’t think this is the way Vivienne Westwood holds on to her classic porcelain complexion, Pammy, do you?

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The views in this column are those of the author alone and not of MSN/Microsoft